Baby #2

  Induction day came!  We decided we wanted Brayden at the hospital to be as a much a part of delivery as possible, minus baby actually coming.  He did so good for only being 2!  Friends and family were in and out, making the time not drag on.  Another pretty easy labor, labored for 9 hours and she was ready!  Pushed for 10 minutes and my beautiful baby girl was born!  She was pink and alert, and they put her right on my chest!  I didn't get that experience with Brayden, since he was having trouble breathing.  She looked into my eyes and I couldn't believe it!  I had a daughter!  Just as I had did with Brayden, I told myself...she would come first!  I would do everything and anything for her happiness, her and her brother!  I was way more comfortable going home this time around, in fact was looking forward to it.  I wasn't the nervous first time mom anymore!
  Once again my hubby got sometime off of work and we all adjusted to our now family of 4.  Brayden was great with her, never acted jealous towards her at all.  Brayden was such a great big brother, and daddy was wrapped around her finger from the start!  Brynley slept a lot at first, so I was still able to spend that time with Brayden!  I was content with our little family, but couldnt say for sure I didn't want anymore.  Just knew if we decided to have more, it wasn't going to be anytime soon.  I transitioned well, better then I thought I would.  I was so nervous about being able to split my time and not give them the love separately that they deserved.
  A few months later, an opportunity to do a 'clarification session' was presented to me.  For those of you who are unfamiliar, a clarification session is when you, a therapist, and your offender, have a supervised meeting.  Its basically used as closure for victims and their offenders and I would be able to ask any questions I had, and he would have to answer them honestly and truthfully.  I thought about it for awhile, debating on if this was something I would want to do.  I had been depression free for about 5 years now, and rarely had anxiety issues.  But, I was still having dreams with my offender in them.  Although he wasn't chasing me ever in them anymore, he was just a face in the crowd.  I hadn't really benefited much from the therapy as a child, because I didn't want it for myself and I wasn't comfortable taking about it.  I had always heard, if you bury your problems, they always come out later...and usually a lot worse then if you had dealt with them during the time.  I felt like I had dealt with all my demons, but wanted to be completely sure.  I didn't want my past problems and me not wanting to face them, ever affect my abilities to be the best mom and wife.  A lot of people didn't understand why I would want to put myself in that position.  I was a little worried it would cause me to regress a bit, but was comfortable with my progress and my strength.  So after giving it a lot of thought, I decided to proceed...