The Beginning

  I decided to go back, all the way back.  Growing up, I always knew my parents weren't the norm married couple.  They didn't show affection much and argued a lot.  But we always had food on our table, a roof over our head. I never had the close relationship where you go to your mom...when your sick, sad, hurt.  We didn't argue or fight a lot, we just weren't close.  I would go on to middle school to see all my friends grow even closer to their mothers.  I longed for that connection.  I spent any chance I could, sleeping over at others houses.  Sometimes feeling like I belonged there instead.
  When I was in 8th grade, I found out my parents decided to move us to Colorado.  I was devastated, as Montana was all I knew.  I decided to go to the middle school and play some basketball, sometimes my release.  I was approached by a familiar, kind face.  I explained my sadness and discussed my fears.  I was offered a ride home.  That day, my world changed.  I was taken advantage of by someone in a position of power and trust, and didn't even at the time realize the severity of what happened.  I was sworn to secrecy.  Besides, who in the world would believe a 13 year old girl, over a respected teacher and coach.  I shared the details, all of them, with one person.  She kept my secrets and was the only one I could be honest and vent to.  She probably doesn't know it, but at that time, she saved my life.  I slowly started slipping into depression.  I would look in the mirror and be disgusted at the person looking back at me.  I began cutting myself, as a means of therapy. 
  I dreaded going to school, as it was so awkward to face the man, and pretend everything was normal.  I started lashing out and having issues with any adult figure that was not my parent.  I told myself, I will never let myself be hurt and used like that again.  I started getting in trouble at school, and getting written up.  Which if you know me, is very out of character.  I always was a good kid, rarely in trouble, good grades.
    I finally got the courage to tell one other friend of mine, one limited detail. I was automatically presumed a liar, which was my biggest fear, and people started turning on me.  Three months passed.  The day had come to finally move to Colorado.  I spent the last night with a few of my close friends.  I was so unsure of my future.  How will I deal with a new school, a new town, a new life, when I was already dealing with so much? Not only was that my last night with my friends, the last night in the town I loved, but it was the night I would be sexually assaulted for the second and last time.