Ugly Truth

  Unfortunately I have learned that trauma can cause a bond between the two people experiencing it.  It is saddening to me!  How is it, the one person I wish I could forget and cut ties with, is the one person I am bonded to, forever?  This man is the only person that got to know the real me, the only one that ever saw it.   I got in his car, a 13 year old child, and left it, a different person.  He took that from me!  He robbed me of the rest of a normal childhood.  Instead of worrying about what I was going to do for the weekend, I was worrying about how I was going to get through a day without cutting myself or contemplating suicide.  Instead of talking about boys, I was wondering how I was going to face him again at school.  
  For the last few months at Laurel Middle School, I started acting out.  I started drinking and swore that no authority figure was going to tell me what to do and I swore nobody would hurt me that way again.  It gave me this attitude, as a defense mechanism.  I started getting into trouble with one teacher in particular.  Ended up getting written up at least once because I didn't care what they said to me.  That attitude towards people who claimed to be an authority figure, because I didn't want to be hurt again.
  After we moved to Colorado, I tried my best to put on my happy face and start over.  Nobody there knew my past, my secrets.  Once I started high school,  there was this guy that kinda caught my eye.  He had a girlfriend and I respected that.  But soon him and his girlfriend me were no longer together and she was trying to hook me up with him.  I thought it was weird, but figured if she was OK with it, then no worries right......wrong.  I don't know what was going on with them really, but she started treating me badly and of course all of her friends had her back.  I was a freshman, most of her and her friends were juniors and seniors.  I started getting bullied and people called me a slut and a home wrecker.  Even though NOTHING happened with him.  I eventually walked away from that situation because of all of the drama.  I just felt so hurt and lost.  I was trying to start over and build a new life and to no doing of my own, had a whole new obstacle to face.  It just added to the issues I was already dealing with.  My depression and anxiety were at an all time high.  
  I remember having a panic attack at school so bad, that I passed out from hyperventilation and woke up on the principals desk to a sternum rub from the firefighters.  They transported me to hospital via ambulance.  There were rumors I tried committing suicide and having people see me at my worst was not ideal for any high schooler.