No fuse....BOOM!

  One thing I see everywhere lately (facebook, media) is people talking about what they would do if they had been raped or sexually abused.  And it INFERIORATES me!  "Oh, why did the women wait so long?"  "If that was me, I would have done this."  "Oh you are a sexually abuse victim, I thought you would think this way," or "you should have thought this way!"  A. Clearly, you are NOT a sexual abuse victim, or you would understand why they waited.  B. You shouldn't presume to know what you would do in that situation, because you have NO idea what its like to be in that situation.  What so ever.  Just because we are sexual abuse victims, doesn't mean we think a certain way, or all the same way.  When you say these things, you not only offend all victims out there, but you fuel this "rape culture."  You fuel the vicious cycle that victims face of not having the option to come forward because in turn they get torn to pieces by the community, media, society.  They get what they have said questioned and secondary victimized by people saying these things after they have had the courage to come forward.  92-98% of victims that say they were sexually abused, were in fact, sexually abused.  So how is it, that as a society, we lean more towards thinking that that 2-8% over rule the rest?
  I was one of those people.  I would have taken that secret to the grave, if been allowed.  It is extremely humiliating, shameful, and embarrassing, to come forward and say these things happened.  Much less with a respected member of the community, a well known teacher/coach, and (not in my case) a celebrity.  Who is going to believe us, over these people?  Why would we want to face public scrutiny, back lash, people talking badly about us, threats, when we are already dealing with the painful effects of the abuse?  What if we are the only ones?  I spoke of disassociation last time.  A prime example of why people don't come forward.  I have had this most recent abuse, repressed for 12 years.  If I came forward now, I would hear all of these questions that people say.  But guess what, it did happen!  In my case, over a lifetime, more than once.  I live with the effects everyday of it.  I live with the shift in your perspective of the world, the self doubt of myself and others, the lack of trust, the way we push everyone away, the guilt, the shame, the self image shift, the embarrassment, feeling of being damaged, the feeling that you aren't worthy.  Please don't tell me what you would do or question why we do the things we do.  Let's change it for our children's generation.  Lets make it SAFER for them, instead of fueling the offenders!